My autistic son’s battle

Shortly after my sons diagnosis we received nothing but letters in the post for appointments here,there and everywhere,they were ranging from paediatrics,doctors (who specialised specifically with autistic children) occupational therapists and speech therapists,as well as being assessed by child psychologists to determine whether or not he could or would be able to stay on at mainstream education,it really was quite bizarre and a headache if I’m wholeheartedly honest about it,that’s when it hit me and I then realised this was not just a diagnosis but a long term contract on my behalf to help him,I realised these professionals were here to help us. (I’ll take us right back) How we found his diagnosis: I was working full time when I would pick both him and his younger sister up from crèche,she was 2 and he was 3 yrs old at the time,I could never understand why he was still at the “babbling” stage and his sister who was younger could say more words,I couldn’t understand why he was the “best baby” (most babies would be irritable when it came to nap time) but not my wee man..he was the most pleasant baby,everywhere we took him everyone was in awe of him,he was perfect. One night I decided to watch him whilst sleeping in his cot and I cried uncontrollably,my emotions were high..I just knew something wasn’t right,I spoke to my husband and told him my thoughts,and he thought I was bonkers for thinking that way..but a mothers instinct is hardly ever wrong,right? After most evenings from crèche pickups I had to fill out at least 3 accident forms a week because he either had a nasty fall or had a fallout from one of his crèche buddies,(this was consistent EVERY week) I grew tired of it that I spoke directly with the manager of the crèche who thought it maybe better I get him to his own gp to be referred to E.N.T (ears.nose.throat) A long story cut short I done that and everything appeared fine. He soon left the crèche because I decided to take a career break from work (hiatus ) for 5years, and luckily I got accepted for it..yay!!!! 5years with my children everyday,I just felt like I’d won the lottery,I worked full time for 10years so this was my chance to have no “longer down the line” regrets about not being there for my children,children 1st, work 2nd so to speak. Off he went for his first “big day” to Irish medium school,(this was also going to be a major challenge for us as we speak English) but I thought why not..our nationality is Irish it would be nice to be fluent in 2languages,and you know what they say, kids can pick up and absorb quickly where as an adult would find this a major challenge to try and learn from when older (you can’t teach an old dog new tricks as it states)ha!! It was one day just two months into term that I had a conversation about my wee “superhero” to the principal of the school,I asked him how he thought my son was coming along and his reply left a lump in my throat,he told me how one day at dinner time when the dinner hall was quite congested and filled to its capacity and quite loud how my wee man sat at the table with his both hands tucked under his chin and staring up at the lights on the ceiling had completely zoned out!!! He said it as if he wanted to escape from the world around him,instantly on hearing this I knew whatever doubts I had were now a reality..I spoke to another lady who is also teacher at his school that same day and she kindly asked me what doubts I had in my head and I immediately responded ADHD,her eyes said it all,she said she didn’t think that at all,she thought possibly ASD. “Eh I thought  ASD”???  (What the hecks that,in my head) she explained all about it and quite frankly that conversation till this day after that is very much a blur,all I can remember is a box of tissues being handed to me and feeling very low,like I had let my wee boy down somehow,instant blame and mental torture and hatred towards myself. How??why?? All unanswered questions…..that night myself and my husband researched ASD till the early hours,sleep was a no-go for me…I watched my son sleep and cried into his wee head,I held his hand and stroked his face and hair until I became that much of a soppy mess that I exhaled myself from his bedroom before I woke him,it was horrible,but like the thousands of parents who come through this themselves are either with me or are the strong minded dominant individuals who can handle tough situations. You see for me I’m a “meet trouble halfways” before it actually arises kinda girl.I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m a soft hearted geek..I’d cry at almost anything at the best of times. You couldn’t beat that outa me as much as I’d pay you to. From there on in the process started and we met up with all the medical professionals who would one day give me his diagnosis, 14months after that in fact! (My story continues tomorrow…stay tuned and thank you for reading)


11 thoughts on “My autistic son’s battle

  1. I cried a lot, too when my son was diagnosed. Went through a depression really. Somehow this one diagnosis was changing my son. Or how I envisioned his future. I realized, though, he was still my Declan. And I realized the diagnosis helped us find ways to help him. My goodness – that is quite a picture of your son sitting on the table, covering his ears and staring at the lights! Thank you for sharing your story! I am anxious to read more!

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    1. Oh thank you so much,I’ve went through silent modes where I couldn’t express to anyone how I really felt,probably because “they didn’t want to know” and now this wee blog is “my” moment and I’m going to remain consistent everyday and tell my story,it’s a bit like an autobiography,when I receive feedback it motivates me to keep going,thank you once again,we are in this together ❤️

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      1. He is 7years old just turned,I know but it’s a commitment your glad to commit to..there are struggles but we find struggles sometimes looking after a dog..it’s how you deal with it..I determine his outcome in the future by how I handle it now and god knows I’m trying.

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